10 Questions to Ask Your Elders

If you can record them answering the questions, EVEN BETTER! You’ll appreciate it so much more when they’re no longer with us. Imagine having a recording of your great-grandmother talking. You ain’t gotta make some grand production of it. Just save it for yourself and future generations.

1. What do you remember about your parents and grandparents (and great-grandparents)?

If you already know their parents’ name, for instance, then just go straight for what you don’t know. I know my great-grandparents’ names, but I don’t know hardly nothing about their personalities. So I ask questions along those lines. (Was he nice/mean? Was she religious? Could she cook? What was he good at?)

2. What were some of your favorite memories growing up?

You’ll be surprised at the stories you get from this question. Our whole lives we’ve only known our elders to be old, so we rarely think of them as children. Go way back in the day with ’em for a sec and see what you learn.

3. What stories or songs you use to hear in the house when you were growing up?

When I asked my Uncle Larry this question, I expected to get some folktales. Instead, I learned that grandma lost a child in a car accident and never drove again afterwards. That’s some good information! Get whatever they give, then ask your question more specifically afterwards.

4. As far as you know, has our family always lived in ___________?

This is how I learned that my grandma wasn’t actually from Monroe, Louisiana. She moved there as an adult. And her mama wasn’t born in Louisiana; she was born in Alabama. And my great-grandparents didn’t spend their last days on the farm they sharecropped most of their life; their kids moved ’em to Monroe. I had no clue beforehand.

Use information that you learned from your research, too, to ask questions with your elders. My great aunt Edist said all she knew was that my great-grandma was tall. So I told my other great aunt, “I heard she was tall,” to which she answered, “Tall and mouthy.” I also use information I learn on Ancestry.com to ask questions.

5. Who did you look up to when you were a child?

It might end up being somebody famous or a family member you might’ve otherwise never heard of. Learning why they looked up to this particular person tells you a lot too.

6. What was the most important lesson your parents taught you?

Mr. and Mrs. Parrish from the book explained that getting an education was their most valuable lesson learned. That explains why they went so hard on their children to get an education, and why their daughter (my son’s stepmom) is so adamant about her children getting good grades.

7. How did you meet your husband/wife?

I remember Ms. Smith (mentioned in the book) talking about her family introducing her to her second husband and him buying her a piano to convince her to marry him and move to Philly with him. (The one she already had would’ve been too expensive to carry ‘cross country.)

And when my grandparents met, my grandma already had 5 kids. His family couldn’t STAND her as a result. She was a feisty little thing and did not care at all. In fact, she’d go by his sister’s house and confront them about whatever she heard they said about her. Hilarious! Also explains why I’m so feisty.

8. What did you do in life that you’re most proud of?

Nine times out of ten, they’ll say something about raising a family or their children. Ain’t nothing wrong with that, but a good follow-up question would be asking them what they’re proud of regarding each of their children and grandchildren.

I did this with my son’s great-grandma. She had three children and, at that time, three grandchildren. I asked her what was she proud of Geraldine for? Vette? Gary? Then on to the grand-kids. She passed away a few weeks ago, and I can’t wait to share this recording with the family.

(If the elder got a handful of greats and some great-greats too, don’t bother ’em ’bout all them people lol.)

9. What are some good qualities that run in our family?

I’m ghostwriting a book for an elder now. We record our calls via Zoom. His great-grandson sat in the background for one of the calls recently. He seemed bored until hearing his great-granddad talk about how being scared of nothing and having an entrepreneurial spirit run was something his father passed down to him, and he passed to his kids, and his kids passed to their kids.

10. What are some things that our family needs to stop?

We got good qualities and we got ugly ones too. Some people call ’em generational curses. Whatever you call ’em, it helps to have ’em pointed out. Hearing an elder say it just might be the motivation you or another family member needs to kill the habit.

Bonus: What’s your dream for your children and grandchildren?

Another sweet one. Just remember that their answer will be tied to their personal experiences and beliefs. If it don’t align with yours, you ain’t bound to it. Absorb what resonates and leave what doesn’t for the next listener.

Whether you interview ’em over the phone or in person, record. There are apps you can download for phone recordings. Either way, make sure you “super save” your recordings. As SOON as I finish the recording, I upload it to the cloud. Another option is a thumb drive.

If you like this post, you’ll love the book. Get yours. If you wanna Cashapp a dolla or two for all the love + time put into the research and writing, I thank you in advance: $TrelaniMichelle