Women’s History Month – Darlene Shamsid-Deen

Ms. Darlene Shamsid-Deen reminds me not to settle. She didn’t tell me that; her life showed me. I met her last year after agreeing to write her husband’s autobiography. Even at 82 years old, he’s still a very busy man today. So, towards the end of the project especially, she and I worked together mostly.

Off the bat, I knew that she was a supportive and submissive wife. She wasn’t ‘round here barking like a dog though (word to Imani Izzi from Coming to America). Nah, Ms. Darlene is devoted but intentional. She’d been married once before, but he wasn’t the one. And while everyone doesn’t have the courage to change their mind out loud, she did (reminding me of myself).

The Kingston native moved to Baltimore as a baby then the Bronx at three years old. Jamaicans (and most downpressed people, in general) are big up on education, but not everyone is naturally inclined to classroom learning. Ms. Darlene is. (I am too.) She’s also a rebel with a cause. 

She went to NYU in the ‘60s, where she and some of her friends decided to make and wear long skirts as opposed to the trendy mini skirts in a (successful) effort to demand more respect for themselves. It’s also where and when she converted to the Nation of Islam. 

A lover of language, she taught basic Arabic to grade school children at the Muhammad University of Islam in Harlem. After that position dissolved, she later learned about a Muslim brother named Elbert, who was looking for a secretary. Soon after getting the job, she tossed the job description out the window and helped out in whatever way help was needed. That was in ’72.

Fast forward to 1977 and Ms. Darlene and Mr. Elbert married. In the words of Toni Morrison, she didn’t fall in love. She rose in love, and it’s so easy to understand why. Mr. Elbert is a leader of so many communities, a reliable provider, a loyal family man, and he LOVES his woman. Adores her. And he supports her. When she wanted to go back to school to study computer technology, he said yes. When she got a job at IBM that required her to travel all over the world, although their youngest child was still in school, he said yes.

Let’s back up and juice that experience though. She originally got hired as a secretary for IBM. Wanting to do more, she went back to school for a Management Information Systems degree. She found herself interested in technology sales, which made her, as a black woman, a rarity. “I had to work to convince my management that I was serious. And after three years as a secretary, I landed an interview at the Madison Avenue IBM sales office with the only African American Branch Manager (female!) in a building of over 30 IBM branch sales offices.” She got the job.

As a new systems engineer trainee, she underwent extensive training in computer science and sales techniques. She’d never gotten the degree she went back to school for. Couldn’t pass calculus. Howeva…the same education she would’ve had to pay for in college, the job ended up teaching her while also paying her.

Listen…what’s for you cannot not be for you.

After more training and testing on the job, all of which she passed, she eventually moved to an internal sales training team, which allowed her the opportunity to travel and manage in-person training classes for IBM salespeople in over 35 countries. I love, especially, her stories of visiting Islamic countries and hearing about the men’s reactions to her intersectionality as a black American Muslim woman. She still works, now on a part-time basis. Mr. Elbert still works too, and they still fully support each other. It’s so beautiful to witness.

This was the first project I’ve worked on where I felt like I had a partner. I’d complete a draft and she’d send it back with more content and corrections. She’s a blessing, and I can only wish that those I encounter see the same in me. She doesn’t just make moves for herself either; she’s all the way down for the community. A blessing, you hear me?!

Here’s a fraction of the lessons I’ve gathered in my time of knowing her: You won’t get it all right the first time or the first couple times. But what’s for you is yours. You’ll know it’s yours from the reciprocity, the respect, and the support. And when you get what’s yours—be it a life partner, a family, a career—you thank G-d for it and you take care of it. Step up to the plate, do your part, have faith, and the rest will work itself out.

P.S.: Mr. Elbert was reading a copy of the Muhammad Speaks newspaper one day and saw the picture (above) of the three conservatively dressed NYU students and asked himself why he couldn’t have a Muslim woman like that. Fast forward about eight years and he was actually marrying Ms. Darlene, one of the women from that same article.

For Women’s History Month, I wanted to honor, not only the legends that we all know and love, but the black women elders and ancestors in our families and circles. Read more stories from the Women’s History Month Series on Instagram.com/KrakTeet or at Patreon.com/Trelani